


What you used to be

by orphan_account



Category: AU - Fandom, Bandom, P!ATD - Fandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memories, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-05 01:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4159620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan was everything but, mostly his losses. His loss of friendship, love, even the dollar that disapeared and seemed like no big deal. The way you lost the light, the shine to the sky as the sun set behind the clouds. That was Ryan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What you used to be

     Colors flashed before his vision. People and places, things that had come and passed. But, one in particular stuck. A man sitting on a bench, legs perched up on the ledge across from him. His hair seemed to fluff a bit in the heat of the day. His name was Ryan Ross, the name that he never wanted to hear again yet, everytime those two words were pushed forth, he couldn't help but think back. There he sat, beside Ryan on that park bench. How he would have loved to go back to when the two could just sit on a park bench in peace. A comfortable peace that could never be recreated. A frown set onto his lips as he spoke, not even caring that this Ryan was only a figmant of his imgination.

"Do you miss me? Do you love me anymore?" came from his lips, settling in the thick air before crashing to the ground and breaking. The words shattered, pieces flying everyone as Ryan turned to look at him.

"No." he said softly before everything melted back to the darkness of night.

 

He shot right up in bed, gasping for air with Ryan on his mind, on the tip of his tounge and on the park bench by the ledge. Ryan was everything but, mostly his losses. His loss of friendship, love, even the dollar that disapeared and seemed like no big deal. The way you lost the light, the shine to the sky as the sun set behind the clouds. That was Ryan. But, Ryan had only said No. One answer to two questions and it was only the ryan that he could remember. The Ryan that decided to leave with nothing else to say. The question was, did he not miss him or not love him. You could love someone and not miss them, circumstances having driven you apart to a mess that could never be fixed. You could also not love someone but miss them. The way someone misses an old friend, the love they had so far under the tides that it can't resurface. Climbing out from beneath the sheets that tangled to his skin, there was only one thought on his mind. One mission to complete. Find Ryan. Stumbling out of bed, he hit the floor running to the closet. Pulling on the thick cotton in the darkness, scratching his face against the rough hole that was meant for his neck. Today was going to be rough and it looked like his clothes knew as well. Running out of the dark room, he picked up the phone and went to Ryan's number. The last time he had dialed the number, heard the dull ringtone as the cold plastic was pressed against his ear and a hello was heard from the other end of the line had to be years ago. Years that felt like decades, dust building up instead of friendship. Hesitantly, he hit the number and waited as it rung. He waited silently, fiddling with his fingers silently in this game. He could almost feel Ryan on the other end, watching with wide eyes as the name Brendon crossed across the screen. How he would have loved to see those eyes in person right now. Yet, the phone kept ringing the dull tone as his heart beat faster and stomach flattened into nothingness. The realization his just as the message started

"Hi, I'm not here at the moment please leave a message." which was followed by a high beep. High enough to cover the crack that ran through his heart. With a shaky breath, he began speaking like he had in the dream but with stronger words and shut eyes

"Hey Ryan...I just...I miss you, Okay? I miss you a shit ton and I can't stop thinking about you...I don't know what to do.." Beeeeep. Slowly with a deep frown set into his face, he put down the piece of plastic which fell with a clunk onto the table. The device that didn't do any good besides breaking hearts when a certain someone refused to answer. He then walked to the fridge to get a beer. Or a few. Maybe it didn't matter if he got drunk or high maybe even both. This crack in his heart, the visions in his head would never heal, never clear or get back to their old state. What was the point. Suddenly, there was a shrill ringing sound from across the room, the plastic that had been sat down on the table. He froze. It could be anyone, ryan even and he froze. Solid, with a hand on the handle of the fridge which was wide open. The phone kept ringing before he finally blinked and moved quickly towards the noise. Then, it stopped. But, there was a name on the screen beside the red words that screamed idiot up at their owner's face. Ryan called. This had to be a joke. Ryan called? Yes, he had just called him but that didn't mean he would call back right away. Maybe he had just missed the phone call or had been out and found the message minutes later. But, maybe he knew. He had sat by the phone, hearing the dull ringing in his ears while making no move to answer it. But, why would he call back? Wrong number? He picked up the phone again, hitting the return call button and pressing the phone to his ear. This time, he answered imedietly.

"Sorry, I didn't answer the first time, Brendon. I'm in a little bit of a hold up." His breath was hard coming through the phone, like he had just run a marathon. He didn't sound like he was happy either. Like he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

"Where are you? What's going on? Are you okay-" he was imedietly cut off with Ryan's exhausted voice

"I'm fine...but, i need you to meet me somewhere. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell them where, why, who or anything I don't give a fuck who they are." Now, things were getting weird. But, who was he to not help Ryan with whatever shit he had going on.

"Where are you?" He whispered, slipping on a pair of shoes as Ryan replied in a hushed voice. After that, he hung up and walked right out of the house.

 

Why Ryan wanted to meet him still tugged at the back of his mind as he walked down the highway, his shoes crunched against the soft leaves that littered the ground, coming upon the small hotel Ryan had told him to meet him at. Why would he be here? He had a house that was running perfectly fine, why move to a hotel and get into a jam. Maybe he was with a hooker. Stumbling up to the door of the room, he knocked twice. Short and sweet. There was russling from inside before the door was opened and he was thrust foreward into darkness as the hotel door was shut with a bang. It was like hopping into cold water, blood rushing through your veins as your mind exploded with this new surrounding. This new problem.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice. It doesn't look good but, i know i can trust you." came a murmer from the dark, lights flickering on to show a body. Arms flung over her head as if she had been thrown down on the bed, a stain under her that seemed to brighten her pale skin. Her eyes were shut, dark makeup sharpening her features and bringing a bruised like quality to her eyes. Her lips were red, possibly a mix of makeup and her own blood. She was dead. So beautiful, thrown down onto the blood soaked sheets in what looked to be a dance that would never end. Her legs were pointed, ballet shoes stuck to her thin feet, bright blood splattered across the pink satin that tied the shoe to the ripped tights on her leg.

"You...You killed her..." He muttered, pressing a hand to the cold flesh underneath her jaw.

Ryan only nodded.


End file.
